With high hopes I crammed a bag of wasabi peas in my pocketbook and hustled off to the local cinema to see the movie "Vampires Suck" tonight. We don't often splash out hard-earned cash to visit the cinema, so this was to be an occasion, or so we hoped.


Image courtesy of IMDB

We went because the trailer made us laugh, presenting tantalizing glimpses of what just might be the "Airplane" of the vampire craze. I suppose I was expecting elegant satire, amusing panache, or perhaps just a few good laughs. Each tantalizing opportunity for facile wordplay or amusing slapstick was dispatched to the trash heap, instead filling the screen with grotesque, gratuitous violence and gore underlined by poor dialogue. Chuckles died on our lips in the face of weak caricatures of stereotypes. Each guffaw struck dumb upon our diaphragm amid tepid acting and piteously sour dialog. The utterly vapid witlessness of this film is an insult to the intelligence of the brain dead. Don't bother.

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